This Feeling

I hate this feeling.
This feeling of despair.
Of knowing that it's wrong,
And yet.
And yet there is nothing I can do,
To stop this aching in the pit of my stomach,

I know he's bad
And I know it's not right.
But I can't do anything
about the feeling deep inside me.
Every time I see his face,
It all get's worse.

I try and try again to stop.
Just to stop liking him
Once and for all.
But then I see his perfect face,
Or I hear his perfect voice.
And it all comes crashing down.

I feel heavy.
Like I'm weighed down by all this pain.
And all this confusion.
My life has for so long been all about impressing him.
That I'm not sure if I know anything else.
I can't take this feeling anymore.

It doesn;t make me feel good that every time
Someone asks if I still like him,
That I have to respond with a,
"Yes, of course."
I just don't like this feeling.