Just how I feel

Through hollowed holes
and empty souls
There is no future seen to hold
My wicked path has gone astray
It never matters anyway
Promises are never kept
With eyes wide open, never slept
Behind closed doors it’s hard to see
My inner monsters, atrocities
Carving words into my skin
I’ll never let go of my awful sin
The kind that holds you down
so you can hardly breathe
The kind that chases you away
Even though you can’t leave
Repulsive, disgusting
I’m only me
Sorry if it bothers you
It’s all I know how to be
Disconnected but far too attached
Feeling alone, feeling attacked
Feeling cheated, hating father
Wanting to help, but being a bother
Scissors staring, ever ready
For simple art, or something deadly?
Not that I’d even have the courage
Or any motivation
Feeling dead with no numbness
Inner desolation
Trying strength but falling harder
Always dumber, never smarter
Filled with self-loathing,
They all say no
As much as I want to tell them
I don’t really want them to know