For My Mother

Mom, I wish you were by myside right now,
I wish you could watch me grow up like you said you would.
I want you and buba to come back.
I know you were living a sucky life but me and buba didnt want that life to end,
If you were still here i would help you as much as my little heart could help.
Id be by yourside, even if you were depressed.
I love you, and i always will.
I will never forget the fact you were my beautiful mother.
Who raised me and held me, and made me a great person.
I dyed my hair for you.
My hair will be red for a while, untill i get tired of it.
Why did you have to leave so fast?
Leaving doesn't solve anything.
You could of talked to me or buba about it,
And you should of left that douche Tim along time ago mom.
He killed our cat, and our hamster, and strangled you in front of me.
This graphic pictures are killing me.
They never leave,
And the fact i had to google you to find out how you really committed broke me.
Me and dad don't talk much anymore.
Since you committed things have been going left not right,
And If i loose someone else important like you, or buba or aunt elizabeth i will loose myself.
All the suicidal thoughts,
All the graphic pictures crammed in my head,
Was it worth it?
Was it Mom?
To not watch me or buba grow up,
To not help us when someone hurts us.
To help us stay in school?
Epecially how everyone makes fun of me at school for not having a real mom.
People think im bullsh*tting them by saying your not alive,
They havent seen thier mom get strangeled infront of them,
They dont know what real pain is like.
I do.
Ive been here waiting for you to give me some signal for me to move on,
Stop crying and suck it up.
But instead im stuck swimming in thoughts,
And crying all over myself over you,
Can i Take it any longer?
Mother, i cared,
Mother, i love you.
Give me that signal sometime,
Talk to me in my dreams.
Talk to me.
Tell me what's wrong,
And what's right.
This is For my Mother <3