Caring a bit too much, or not enough?

And it all comes crashing down around me.
Everything I've ever known.
Why won't you just leave me be?
You know I'll always be on my own.

I'm on my knees.
I beg for mercy,
I beg of you please,
Please release me.

You disgusting humans, you make me sick.
If I could, I'd end you all.
Your ignorance has engulfed my wick.
Id beat your bodies against the wall.

But for some odd reason I seem to care,
A horrible confession for me.
I hate it all and wonder where,
Where will this road take me?

A short drop then a sudden stop,
Could end this pain of mine.
But if Id let the trigger pop,
Would my pain travel down the line?

Where would all this anger go,
All of this hate and rage I save.
These are the answers I need to know,
Before I finish up my days.

"I don't care" are the words that always throw me,
They contradict my set of mind.
If I didn't care then surley,
I could easily end my time.

Clearly I must truly care,
Must have love and hope,
For somebody, somewhere
But here the poision's already begun to grope.

Gripped by claws, and slit by teeth,
I'm being torn apart.
My only sword is in its sheath,
But was it even there to start?

Question after question,
With no answers to be found.
Have I truly fallen?
Am I trapped, beneath the ground?

I'd love to find the answers.
Id have to take the risk.
Of unleashing my mindless monsters,
On everyone one I'm with.

No one else deserves it,
Sometimes I wonder if I even do.
Im made up, bit by bit,
Of regrets, that I can't even admit to.

Im bleeding black,
Caged in the night.
What was that?
Am I putting up a fight?

This mess of a mind,
I can no longer live with.
I'm a waste of time,
I wish I would just end this.