Nightmare

I feel like I need to runaway. Runaway from every little thing…little problem. I feel lost and alone way to much. I just cant focus or seem to have a grip on reality. I try to be happy, but yet I feel like shit. I’m not even sick, yet I feel like I’m dying deep down. I feel like I’m screaming for help, but no one hears me scream in pain. I need help and won’t receive any. I don’t want to face the fact that I need help and if I do I feel haunted. Haunted by past regrets. I’m scared. Cornered with hands over my eyes and my heart beat in my ears. I don’t know what to do or what to say. I cry and scream, but cant show it. I reach for help, but cant touch it. I burn inside with rage and anger of passed grievances. Things I wish I had fixed long ago, but if I try to fix them now…it opens the wounds. The wounds I am probably never going to heal again. I don’t need time to myself, what I need is guidance. Something or someone who can help me. That can make me happy. Yet I am afraid that my inner rage will explode and I will hurt the ones I love deeply. I don’t want that. So yet I am cornered again…searching for a way out. A way out of a Nightmare.