Goodbye

I’m sorry I can’t make you smile
Nothing I say can dry up your pools of tears
I’m sorry that I confirmed your worst of fears
And did not stay for a while

I’m sorry I ever chose you
I thought every girl already knew
That I’m a worthless piece of shit
And I always seem to quit

I’m sorry for saying I love you
The sad thing is, I still do
But I don’t know if you love me too
I really wish I knew

Because right now I’m ripping myself apart
And I’ve gone and broken my own heart
Like I always thought I would do
Ever since I fell in love with you

I’m sorry I’m still alive
But worry not, that’ll end soon
Soon I’ll be fling far above the moon
And then, into the darkness I shall dive

And then, you’ll finally be rid of me
The thing that you always wanted to see
No longer will I have tear-ridden eyes
Because nobody cries when they die

They just sink down deep into the mud
And feel nothing as they are drained of blood
But I promised you I wouldn’t die
So I’m stuck in this pain of loving you, I can’t lie

But I am lost; do you love me too?
Like you said, am I the special boy you never knew
Or did I break two hearts, yours and mine
Oh what a steady and painful decline

Am I writing another poem about death?
I think I am, it’s worth more than my breath
Oh look, I’ve gone and made myself cry
Why, oh why can I not die?

I’m sorry for writing all those poems about you
I meant ever single word I said, you already knew
I wish I were the special guy that you’ve been looking for
But you, I will try my best to continue to adore

I love you, can’t you see?
But my mind tells me you don’t love me
But in my heart, I feel a slight glimmer
It’s probably a feeling that will just simmer

I’m dead on the inside
I’m a coward, I wish I could run and hide
So I wouldn’t have to face the light of day
Or know that I pushed you away

Because that’s what I always do
With my friends, with you
I wish I could stand to be happy once more
But I broke myself trying to open that door

I wish I could talk to your right now
So I wouldn’t feel so unbearably low
I wish you could tell me it will be all right
That you will continue to be my light

But in my heart, I know that isn’t true
Because all I want is you
But now I know I’ve lost my love
And I wish I could send my soul above

Or sink down into a watery grave
So I would be free from this life
I want to die by my own knife
And be covered by a crimson wave

Covered by the scars on my wrist
That I had once thought forever closed shut
I wish I could dig my eyes into a rut
I miss the lips that I had once kissed

Tell me, do they still belong to me?
Or have you set them free
Like a fluttering bird
Singing the sweetest song anyone has ever heard

But I’m chained to the ground
Crying so deeply hoping you’ll hear my sound
So I can so much as look into your eyes once more
And hug you so tightly that you’d become a garment I once wore

I wish I could say that it’s all right
But I don’t deserve to be in your sight
Because I hurt you so much
I miss your touch.

I love you so much and I’ve gone and lost you
I just hope you don’t feel this way too
Because I don’t know what I’d do without my sunlight
I’d probably be forever covered in the shroud of the night

But I’m already descending into the darkness
Except, it isn’t slightly painless
Because I broke my promise, I’m dying on the inside
If you went and tore me open wide

You’d find nothing but dust
And perhaps a ton of rust
Maybe you can see where my heart used to be
Because I gave up my heart, so I could see

So I could see, the true meaning of joy
So I could be called your love, your boy
But I believe that I lost everything I hold dear
I wish you weren’t mad; I wish you were here

I miss you so much. Do you care?
I wish I could run my fingers through your hair
And play along the lines on your face
With you, I have no dark, infernal place

But I feel like its coming back
Because of everything I lack
I am so worthless. I still think I love you.
But…I know, you don't love me too.