A Gift

Take this, a gift from me.
I know not how to use it.
I know not how to start, or end or begin again.
I don't want to be selfish and whine.
I try to ignore it, I try to be fine.
This gift is the most amazing thing, but is it really for me?

Maybe if I thought, if I dreamt long enough the hurting might cease.
If I knew, oh only if I knew just what I could do.
If I could find something with sure probability.
If I could be normal and not scared.
If I could finally tear the wrapping of this precious gift.
If I could be taught how to live.

The gift is a waste without the know how or confidence.
I beg for people's faith and belief, but don't show reasons of deserving it.
I go back and forth, using the gift or simply throwing it away.
I want to be better, I try to be better.
I know there is no one else to blame.
If anyone else had this gift, it wouldn't be the same.

Warm me, hold me, mold me into something new.
Make me grateful, make me live, see and do.
The precious gift, do I deserve?
If I change....can I change?
Is there any left? Does anyone believe it?
If not let me lie in the ocean hands facing the Heavens, eyes wide open and a smile placed on my lips.

Yes it is a gift.
You can't choose to begin it, but you can choose to end it.