The Courage to Die

I don't know why I'm depressed

I just wake up and want to die

Life suddenly feels like nothing but a lie

Something feels wrong inside

The feeling doesn't go away

Unless I sleep all day

And when I wake up I'm fine

But the next day it starts once more

Making me question what I live for

I have no friends

My family doesn't care

They wouldn't even notice if I shaved off all my hair

All I can concentrate on is the wish for courage

Courage to finally end all of this

All of the things I will not miss

The empty, throbbing, relentless pain

Aching deep inside

I have someone in which I can confide

But it doesn't help

Nothing does

I can't stop the way my thoughts buzz

"I wish I could just do it. End it."

But I never can

I don't even know how this all began

Suddenly I was sad every other day

I never got a break from it

So I let it consume me bit by bit

And I feel stupid because it isn't that bad

I don't throw up, I don't get it every day

So, why does anyone even care what I say?

When I'm sad, you can't even tell

Only I can hear the thoughts in my head

Wishing that I would spill all of my red

But I don't have the guts to do even that

Something so easy

The thought doesn't even make me queasy

There's just something stopping me

Maybe I don't really want to die

Maybe I just want to fly

Fly away and be someone else

Just for a moment

Or maybe... Forever.