Mask of Smiles

I have always felt;
Unwanted,
Unloved ,
Unneeded,
Useless,
Worthless,
Nothing special; in other words,
b]a [/third wheel

That, and
I don't think I should even be ALIVE

And there are times,
I wished I was DEAD,
because I feel like I'm just a just a burden,
on those whom I love and care for

I wish I could shove these feelings aside,
so I don't worry those who can see past my MASK of SMILES

I even wish I can cry,
because I cannot shed a single tear anymore,
is that too much of a selfish wish?