Memory

I dunk my head and hold my breath,
And pray these thoughts go away.
I’m home now, I convince myself.
I’m safe and safe I’ll stay.

But still these memories flood my mind
Peace and quiet I cannot find
For what was once a dream to me
Became a reality.

Screams, scenes, dramas, fear,
Terrible noise that fills my ears
The rush of people blur my sight
While others run, some try to fight.

Is it worth it, this killing spree?
So many dead so they can be free.
And in the midst of it all
I stand in the middle, doing nothing at all.

A crack of gunfire splits the air
The people jump from such a scare.
Innocent victims hit the dirt.
I bow my head and see blood on my shirt.

My friend has suddenly left my side,
He’s running forward when he should hide.
He yelling out the army should stop,
Until he meets an unfortunate cop.

Time slowed that moment, the moment he died,
My body goes numb, I feel nothing inside.
A body knocks me, a woman I see
Blood runs down her face as she stares at me.

I get up and join the screaming crowd
They’re terrified now, those who once were proud.
I’m all alone in this strange place,
My dad, my friend, even my own face
Have been mixed into this black and red world
That’s how our story has unfurled.

Searing pain shoots up my leg,
“Get up, get up,” a woman begs.
Though my entire body protests
I struggle free of the hands, at best
I manage one last final shout
When at last I completely blackout.

Now I lie in a concrete bed
Staring up with an aching head.
I think back about thirteen days
To Zhao’s big speech...what did he say?
Something about being too late
He was late alright, for the biggest date.

That woman’s back, she saved my skin
She helped my out, and took me in
Now she lies in a crumpled heap
Or maybe burned, or buried deep.

My lungs are burning, my leg is sore
I cannot take it anymore
The bath water hasn’t cleared my head
“You’ll be okay,” my dad had said.

That day we walked off of the plane,
Ironically, it had started to rain.
I’m back in Toronto, my mom’s here too
My family’s together, but I still feel blue

Now I’ll go back to school with a fake smile
And pretend I’m fine, when all the while
I’m dying inside from the thing’s I’ve seen
I think of what happened and what could have been.

I’m done with this now, I’m tuckered out
It’s no use whining, it won’t help to pout.
For now all I can do is go to bed
And brave these nightmares in my head.