Beneath Her Smile Lies a Gun

She loves to drown out the pain, suffocate her sorrow.
One negative comment, and the razor blades come out.
The triggering sensation spreads through her body.

She turns the music up loud, so nobody hears her.
She pukes out her soul, making sure she won't put any weight onto her fat worthless body.
She wants be erased, she wants to be invisible.

She's hardly ever there, torn to shreds on the inside.
She cries to herself at night, but hides the pain daily.
She hides the pain, underneath a disguise.
A smile.
A laugh.
“I'm fine.”

Nobody knows her pain, nobody sees beneath the smile. Nobody sees her scars.
She's scared for someone to find out her secret, she wants to stay covered.
Just one more time she promises her self.

One more time to kill the pain.
One more time to take her mind off her nightmares.
Just one more time.

Tonight's the night. She says to herself, tonight's the night I take all the pain away. The night she ends everything.

She leaves a note on her door.

Sorry.

Sorry I wasn't good enough.
Sorry I'm not beautiful.
Sorry I'm not everything you expect of a daughter.
Sorry I'm not everything you accept from a sister.
Sorry I'm not everything you expect from a friend.
Sorry I'm such a terrible human being.

She sits on her bed, with the small box in her lap.
She smiles, as she raises the gun to her head, tears streaming down her face.

She knows she can end it all quick.

“Just pull the trigger.” the small voice her head whispers.

She obeys the command. She pulls it as fast as possible, ending it all.

No more sleepless nights.
No more pain.
No more fear.
No more worrying.
No more scars.
No more life.