My life...

How could you even dare to face me,
while all the others just turn and flee?
I must admit, its quite alarming,
the way you stand there like Prince Charming.
You look as if you're from a fairy tale,
you are so unlike any other male.
But a fool of me you will not make,
for its my heart that is at stake.
A fairy tale ending, you all might say,
but trust me, it has to be another way.
For me, this love does not exist,
I don't know why you still insist.
I have known this since my childhood,
and no, I will not change my attitude.
Into the horizon I must run,
or ruin my chances with a gun.
To hide from this former self of mine,
a self that was great, in its prime.
This former self who caused no commotion,
was great so none knew my emotion.
No commotion was caused by it,
but harm it endured quite a but.
The harm is around every bend,
it just might push me to the end.
This former self just makes it worse,
for it knocks my life off course.
My seat is what this demon wants,
and that is why I, it haunts.
How much longer can I live like this,
before I sink into the liquid abyss?
So much love that has been lost,
my heart doesn't come at little cost.
Telling the truth may strike as wise,
but sure enough, others despise.
This former self has taught me much
indeed it has, quite a bunch.
I hear the demons of my soul,
they're telling me I'm such a fool.
And so this former self wont stop
until I myself will death drop.
So into the horizon I must run
or ruin my chances with a gun.
To hide from this former self of mine
a self that was great in its prime.
And so I'll take a knife to my throat
and send my body away on a boat.
The pain of my past is history
I'm afraid it might remain a mystery.
And so I must dread,
that even though I'm dead,
the pain lives on.