What I've Done

I've lost the will to breathe
For every time I draw a breath
I think.
My thoughts run rampant
In spiraling directions but
They all remind me of
You.
You hurt me.
My mind bleeds when I think of it
Every little moment, suggestion,
Tearing bits of me away, bloody and misused.
My eyes tear and my wrists burn
Hands aching, knees trembling
Thoughts jumbled, confusing me
I'm nervous and angry
At myself. For feeling all this
When all I wanted, all I was denied
Was to let it all go
To not think anymore.
But I can't.
For what I've done I'll pay for.
The sweet torture that comes with the look in your eyes
The happiness you embody.
That's your trick, isn't it?
You are a living contradiction, spelling peace with your actions
Every move is pure contentedness,
But it's all a falsity.
You are a virgin lie.
Nothing more than a closed off illusion
That I can't disfigure.
One that I can't shake, nor want to.
I hate your abandonment
I hate your smile, your laugh
It's all a precious curse.
I hate what we've done
What I've done
To get to where we are now
And what I'll never get back.
What I thought we had.