Reality Interferes

I'm laying on my bed,
labtop in front of me,
music fills the room.
I sit up, and lean against the wall,
wrap my arms securely around my knees,
as silent tears fall,
thoughts cloud my mind.
I try to fight them back,
but they won't leave me alone.
The music stops,
my quiet sobs are the only thing
that breaks the silence.
Tiny whispers escape my lips,
questions that I ask myself.
But even I have no reply.
"Why..."
I ask myself.
"Why does the one thing I want most in the world have to be so far from reality?"