Sometimes I Wonder

I guess I've been wondering a lot lately.
What would have happened,
If we never got in that fight.
If I never kissed him.
If it could have been okay.
If I could have stayed longer.

I wonder if you know
That deep down,
I'll always love you.

Sure, I have someone.
You do too.
And don't tell me I don't love him,
I do.
It's just different, you know?
He's not you.

I wonder if you know
I still have your shirt,
The red one that's probably to small.
I still have my Homecoming corsage
With the gorgeous flowers,
Wilting away.
I still have those balloons,
My favorite color,
With your sloppy handwriting.
I still have the post-it notes
You put on my locker
That morning.
September twenty-first.

I wonder if you know
I still have that baseball
You found for me that night
Way back when we started dating.
And the little blue toy car,
Your favorite
That you gave to me.

I remember that night
We were watching Harry Potter
And after,
When you told me you loved me,
I remember believing you.
I believe you.

I remember saying it, too.
Wanting to say it for weeks,
Too afraid you'd walk away.

And I wonder if you remember these things, too.
I wonder if you still have all my notes,
You said they were in your wallet.
You said one still was.
Is it there?

That day we were walking to your house,
And I lost something stupid,
Something little,
Hand sanitizer that was almost empty.
You said you still have it,
Next to your bed.
Is it still there?

And I wonder if you remember
That night we were watching Back to the Future,
And I started freaking out
And you held me and said
"Don't worry, Brook. Everything's going to be okay."
And I looked at you,
My eyes like a puppy's,
And said "How do you know?"
And you said "Because I'll love you forever and always."
And I believed you.
But did you?
Do you remember that?