Handmade Hell

Why am I still here?
Because it's getting really late.
Our mouths still locked together
is this really my whole fate?
I'm just playing out the part
Yeah, I'm acting every day
Trying so hard to be perfect
to make you smile, get your way.
But I don't even know your name
because I'm still quite stuck on him.
And the one who hurt me most,
and the one who brought me sin.
I go through this all the time
for reasons I don't know
You probably won't understand
because I never really showed
you my true colors
never showed you who I am;
I'm simply giving you the surface
and left it all at that.
Why do I put myself through this?
Is this really gonna help?
I'm not really moving on, here
I can't save me from myself.
I long for love and cherish
but all I ever find
is lust, some flesh and earthly things
I'm wasting all my time.
But my heart it longs for more
something deeper than words can tell
I need to leave for the night
and escape my handmade hell.