the what if game

What if that day could have been different?
What if I could have been smart and said no?
What if I never had and what if i never did?
What if I'd never had to let you go?

I know I can't turn back the clock,
but I know I'll never see you or hold you.
I know what i did was for the best
so why dose it tear me compleatly in two?

If I could have just been older?
if I could know how you would look.
But people are right you never know what you've got...
until it's been compleatly took.

Every hour of pain
and every minute of suffering.
If only I could have kept you
if only I could have... I'd change everything

The endless nights staring out of the window
endless nights crying.
I sit and think of what could have been
and it feels like I am dieing.

What if that day was just a dream
and the months that followed a nightmare.
But I did what I had to do not because I hated you,
but because I care !

Not a day or night goes by
I don't wish things could have turned out a different way.
But mummy was a slut and daddy hooked on drugs,
I know nothing can make it better... but nothing makes it ok.

The world will never know you
deep inside I know what I did was right.
So I guess this sadness is the price I have to pay
for me this endless tunnel has no light.

For you my body I ripped apart
with drugs and alcohol.
Paying the consequences for a foolish childes mistakes
one who thought she knew it all.

I can't spend forever and ever, playing the what if game
I got rid off you angel.
I made my choice and it's been months now
so why am I still in so much pain?

There's this gap, this hole inside me that I can't fill
no matter what I do!
And I know even thought I know I had an abortion...
I'll never stop loving you.

xxx