Withdrawal

My body is trembling, my hands are shaking,
I'm awful nervous as I sit here just waiting.
Waiting for something to pop up to kill.
But I wish I had that little white pill.
It takes me away, makes me not care,
It makes me sleep, it makes life fair.
I don't know why I need this pill so much.
It's not even the best, yet I still use it as a crutch.
I can't take a life without an escape,
Without it I am empty, terrified of my fate.
I will not deny it, the drugs are changing me.
But it's far better then the razor- why can't you see?
Whenever I find something to make me feel alive,
Someone comes along and tried to drive me back to the knife.
I need it- I actually need it.
The monster is growing & I have to feed it.
Without it I'm angry, violent, scared,
Harassed & depressed, tangled in my own hair.
I don't know how but I'm even worse off this time,
But this was my choice, this life to take is mine.