Antithesis.

Such an odd conflict,
Contradiction of emotion.
Nothing but an addict,
A mind filled with commotion.
I feign this facade of joy,
My persona but a lie.
These feelings but a decoy,
My smile only an alibi.
Even with your beauty,
That serves such great distraction.
A twisted fucking cruelty,
The pain of this attraction.
I've never been so infatuated,
Even if you're unattainable.
My heart feels devaluated,
From a goal so unattainable.
So as I don this smile,
This false sense of morality.
I'll try to swallow the bile,
caused by a disturbed mentality.
The best feeling in the world,
Accompanied with the worst.
As my love for you unfurls,
With these tendencies I'm cursed.
Even with an act of strength,
I'm bordering on the edge.
This pain it knows no length,
For happiness I dredge.
One step closer to the end,
And one step closer to love.
A love I've tried to portend,
An evil antithesis from above.