Another Year Older

Blurring applause
Broken singing
I'm sitting alone at a table
They are smiling
They are cheering
What is it that I did again?

Oh, that's right
I got older.

But I get older everyday;
I'm not the same human being
As I was a week ago.
I have new cells
New hair and skin;
Even my eyes are slightly different.

Why celebrate?
A year closer to death.

Maybe it's the fact
I survived this cruel world
For nineteen years
And counting.

Maybe it's the fact
It could be any day now
That I take my last
Breath.

My mum and dad?
They don't want to miss
A second.

Maybe that's why.

Either way:
I've spent my whole life
Trying to be invisible.
It works
For the most part.

Then comes around
This 'special' day,
And suddenly
I'm in the middle of everything.

I am every conversation
Every thought
Every smile and whisper.

Sure the presents
And the money,
They're fun.

It's the spotlight I don't want.

It's only one day,
I know;
One day of the year
Where it's all about
Me.

I do not want it.
I do not need it.
I do not like it.

We can celebrate privately
If you want.
Or forget it all together;
It's preferable.
But if you must,
Keep it quiet
Please?

I want to stay invisible;
Give me that.
Don't tell the world
To celebrate me.
I want to be in the shadows.

A birthday shouldn't change that.