My battle

There was more to it, she told me
I stood blankly with nothing to say
Hope- It had to mean something, she stressed
Mean more? it could do no such thing, it always broke me down
It breaks you, to build you stronger again- she contested
What if you break so many times, you can’t recognise you anymore

You’re alive!- You can’t be broken!
I don’t feel it, I don’t …

you are strong- probe through it,
I’m tired of probing, why can’t it be simple

It is simple, you just don’t see it yet,
I don’t see it, because I am afraid.

What if I tumble and fall,
you’ll rise and shine then,

I was happy with him, you know,
I was happy in his embrace on the sand-

He hasn’t let you down yet,
I feel he will though-

we are not going to sit here and argue,
I never wanted to,
I wanted to be blissfully happen,
You are and you can be, whenever you desire it

It all feels like too much,
too much pain, effort, joy- it’s all in overload

maybe I need to get away,
you need time on your own-
I stood and walked away, from the old frames of the mirror-
light flickering off, reflection hidden-
I needed to find that internal bliss I found and lost- a long time ago,
I needed to start anew