Depriving Cycle

Eyes droop, huddled by exhaustion.
Tho without need, they open, blinking away the urge to shut.

There's no need
To stay up beyond necessary, but for some particular reason --
Which I can not ponder what it may or may not be --
I can't seem to settle down.

The covers pushed aside,
Pillows flushed and checked for any bumps.

Yet as I rest my head,
thoughts seem to throttle into my head, and then
the pillow is as rough as the concrete of the sidewalk outside my house.

I close my eyes; darkness meets me.
The slightest sound;such as the door creaking open just a peak
keep me up, and I open my eyes ---
The light automatically leaves me temporary blind.

Must I continue?

Must I deprive myself from sleep?

Sleep deprived.

Insomnia.

Why can't I sleep?

So many questions,
So many without answers,
and so many hours wasted thinking,
when I could have drifted off hours ago.

As if the ceiling has the answers,
scribbled right on the whiteness of it,
I let my tired eyes wander.

I strain my eyes,
maybe just an image created by my sleep deprived mind,
but I see something.

Hallucination.

Voices. In my head.

Crazy. No sleep.

What's wrong with me? Why can't I keep my eyes closed?

Sleep.
That's what I want.
What I need.

No sound but a soft sigh leaves me,
and I know I must try this -- again.

Twisting and turning,
grunting and groaning,
Head near the edge and feet near the wall,
then head near the wall and feet near the edge.

Nothing works.

Some hour of the night --
near the wee hours peaking tomorrow --
My eyes flutter shut, and they don't open until fives hours later
as the blaring sound of my alarm enters my ears.

I'm sleep deprived.

Tired.

Sleepy.

But this is a dance I know too well.