I Should Know Better

I should know by now.
I should know that all things come to a close.
I should know better than to hope.

I can want more and more,
But I will get nothing in the end.
Everything will fall to ruin,
And that will be it.

It doesn’t exactly matter about my butter flies.
My feelings don’t matter as long as you’re happy.
I should have lied.
Because maybe then I’d still have you in my arms.

I’m not saying anything against you.
I’m just saying I should have known better.
Things always end up like this.
I’m left alone and crying.
It will take forever for me to trust again.

I’ll go places alone with my friends and their dates.
I’ll feel like a fifth wheel,
But they’ll insist I come.
In order to help me heal, you understand?
But I’ll sit there and watch them be happy,
And know that I’ll never have that.

I’ll try to find someone who cares,
But all I’ll get will be pretenders.
And I’ll have to settle for that.
At least until they stop pretending.

Then I’ll watch them go.
I’ll be crying of course,
But it won’t matter.
I never do.

I should know better than to think I matter.
But for a minute there I thought I did.