Cozenage

How do I feel, you ask?

Suppose someone has taken heavy ball-and-chains and strapped one to each of your limbs,
then threw you out to sea.
You're drowning, it's unpleasant; more than unpleasant. But you can't leave.
You're swimming and swimming and struggling as hard as you can to come up for air,
but you're unable to do so.
You have to, on instinctive reflex, breathe. But your lungs are met with water, not air. You feel weighted.
You're suffocating in the place you're trapped in.
You feel like you're going to die...only you can't.
You can't die here. You can't die.
So you're trapped in this place drowning in everything around you and you are completely helpless, clueless as to how to save yourself because salvation from this deep blue sea seems impossible.
Trapped.
Helpless.
Scared.
Alone.
And longing for a death that cannot be given to you.
Pathetic.

So yeah...that's how I really feel.