An Ode To My Past

Praise thee! Lying words of love!
To the blackened rain stricken skies
Send to me my messenger of loves that die
Fly to me, my curse from the skies above
Are you, my illusion, slowly tearing apart my heart?

Perhaps you already have known the damage you’ve done to my void
Your soft-spoken melodies are the bane of my life
Bleed upon me! You create this unending strife
To what hidden ecstasy have I earned such a right
To see you trap me once more within my cage of the night

When I become dust, all shall become a barrier
And as I wither away once more, shan’t those eyes show a care
Or those pale roses, to speak? They wouldn’t dare.
Perhaps every moment around you shall grow darker
For when I wither away, you may destroy my marker

Forever breathe in the passion you hold not for me
May I be the dying voice that asks to be set free?
For when my body finally shall deteriorate
Tell me, how often did your love I infuriate
Sing your songs, this pain you created is more than I can ever know

All horizons once prayed for a savior to come
Until she burnt their hearts with the chariot of the sun
And danced along the stars in the sky
Forcing them to drop, like flies we shall die
And force upon our selves once more to look

Toward the above, for a pain impossible to put into words
I cannot put this sorrow into words, strike me down with your swords
Before this world can discover the meaning of you
My feeble hear and broken soul shall have bled through
As joy defies none during the curse of winter’s plight

Does the snow divert away from the gaze of the sun
Or is it much more perplexing, shall we all run
Toward the deity none call a liar
To ever truth, there must be a situation never so dire
Otherwise, every truth would lead straight back to you

For such perfection has been found in imperfection
And curse this gaze, as it seems to fall in your direction
Tell me, have I left your thoughts?
Have I broken your heart as you did to me
Upon this shell of glass I call a heart we shall see

The marker of my endless redemption
Hear me, my forgotten one; I shall speak my requiem
To the budding pain withheld within my own contention
In every moment, no sorrow holds me any longer
Than that which grows so painfully stronger

The piercing pain I feel within your green eyes
Darkness, the seeds it sews, here it lies
My heart was built to fall, so now I bid it farewell
I wish this joy love well
For no longer does it have a place in this broken heart

It has been replaced by the radiant darkness of the night
This void knows not the joys of an inner light
But to what extent do I hold a place in your heart
Forgive me, for my foolishness led to it being torn apart
This nightmare is a never-ending hell

Believe in me, I’ll try to keep you
Remember these feelings that you once knew
And listen not to the pain, which I have wrought
I never could be what you thought
Within me, I still hold you in highest regard.

To what difficult differences does death differ
Return to me, my guardian with wings sewn in amber
Fly away from me once more, you are still what I care to see.
Now I know, I am not the same; for there is only this broken me
The place you hold in my heart, like a parasite, it shan’t part

This fire within burns hotter than hell
Return to me, and free me of this mortal shell
Hold no fear, for I shall soon leave your side
And fall into these depths from where I can hide
Amongst the guardians below the ground

You easily flew to the above
And threw away this emotion I thought was love
You once stood so strongly within my life
And now you purposely reintroduced the strife
Like thunder, you set my very being on fire

Oh my darkness, shall silence once more confound silence
And create within my life, a never-ending violence
Praise the pain you’ve created
Silence to everything we had procreated
For every moment I feel an insurmountable pain

Darkness, sew your seeds slowly inside
I’ve lost you, and forced you to leave m side
But believe me, my radiant one
I shan’t fall out of the favor of the sun
And be intertwined into this nightmare

You’re gone forever.
I’ve been swallowed by this emptiness I cannot sever
I’m so lost without the light of the sun leading me
This inky black is covering these eyes so they shan’t see
Perhaps then it can lead me to the promised land of death

Praise you. Praise you. Praise you, sunlight
You have thrown this soul to the depths of the night
And forced this perpetual figure to hide from me
You’re so beautiful, yet I can no longer see
For my eyes have been torn forcefully from me

Such a beauty is easy to lose
But it isn’t all just some unending ruse
For those who overlook what has been in front of them
My rosebud--cut me from your stem
For I am but a stone holding down your flight

Now that you are away, my heart shall always ache
Never did I think to cry, but now they fall in your sake
It was all a fantasy, now I see that it was unreal
For now I have forgotten how I should feel
When in the presence of this flawed angel I once called mine

Joy to this world, it has taken from me once more
And now these words I recite all create an aural bore
For your marble lips, words of pain they do create
So hard it is for you to act as if my being you do not hate
For every moment drags me deeper and deeper into the darkness

Content with this pain, my words create indifference
You were the only thing that ever made a difference
My only constant, I must’ve been flattered
Because I actually believed that I mattered
That I was to be the one for much longer than time allowed

Praise the dark, which shines so bright
Praise the beautiful suffocating light
For death continually defies my deliverance
But now, these words create no difference
For death, once more do you control this heart

Now, more than ever you hold me like steel
My heart has forgotten what it means to feel
Everything around me, I forget that it is real
These scars, these painful scars, never shall they heal
Like my heart, have been covered by her seal

Perhaps you are no tyrant who seeks control
But truth finds its way through all turmoil
And shows this angel has a flaw
One that none ever thought they saw
Severed within this emotion I once called home

Pain has reentered my core
I feel every stab of more, and always desire more
So perhaps this broken glass shall be the end of me
My darkness shall never allow me to be free
And once more, I can call love an unfaithful enemy

Now—love—my past ally
The enemies in my heart you do rally
And create parasites to breed depression
With fear, to bring my joy into regression
This bond I had once grown fond of has been lost

Never have I seen heartbreak between two
As I have between me and you
Praise this deity that has taken my light
For no other can reside so sadly in anyone’s sight
As I, who have lost the will to fight

For you, my past, my emptiness, my dulled shine
What you stole from me is none so divine
The creator above fails to be caught in awe
At the pain which he has never saw
Such a torture, is it such a sin?

Is it possible to adore unending pain
Without losing their sanity in the rain
Or does the false light block out the true light
And ensnare it within the view of all’s sight
Or is it different? Does this night only shine upon me

What curse did I have in a previous life
Am I the root of all of the world’s strife?
To deserve such a demonic one
The false white light that I called the sun
Whose voice is truly a siren’s song

But knowing her, all I can do is wrong
I am now that shadow aloof from life’s throng
I pale in comparison to her light
And I, I am just a fool covered in this life
Hoping to rip my heart out with her hands around this knife

No longer does she rule over any physical land
Instead she crushes my heart more and more with a twist of her hand
Wish me gone? And I will be buried under waves of sand
That shall never wash away
And will never be in you mind in any day

For I am lost without you
Deep into the darkness, but you already knew
When you sent me to the stars to die
Within the empty fields of hell I shall forever lie
Like a rotting tree, I wither and atrophy each day

But in reality, this is truly all I am
You are my shepherd and I am your lamb
As you lead my flock into valleys of sorrow
That allows us to close our eyes and forget about tomorrow
With me, what person has a single care? I never mattered.

You were so kind. You left my heart in cuts.
And dug my eyes out into a rut
Purity has left this forgotten soul
And send me into hell’s forsaken hole
My mind has been trapped in this place

Finally—I have been clipped of my wings
From the songs that all I siren’s continue to sing
Their harmonies crone at the sight of you
And they forgot the joy of love beginning anew
For a beauty like you, these words have no meaning

As I forget all of the songs you sang to me
The thoughts that broken men shall always see
Must they all be about you? My night
Allow me to be free from your sight
For sooner I would throw myself toward the light

So I can fly toward the light above the birds
And die before I hear voices that I’ve never heard
Must they all be about you, nature’s starlight
Never sooner do I desire to lose my might
The roses in your lips continue to cause my plight

Need you not speak I’ll read your eyes
And now I know, your thoughts of me forever die
Like barbs of a rose, they bleed to the touch
They kill me more and more until I can’t take it as such
Let me look into those words once more

Perhaps I should look toward the sky
So I can see where the beauty of pain lies
In the stars I can see your face
As I rot in this dark, forsaken place
And continually miss the beauty of your voice

Around you, this life is all discord
I cannot help but curse this lord
For he stolen my answer to this pain
And shown me that love is all in vain
For the love that walked into my life is gone

And now that our time has come to an end
The glass within me shall slowly begin to mend
And these words I inscribe shall never die
As they come from my heart, where there are no lies
For every day, every eternity, I can fall into sorrow

But soon I will find another in this life
Who will create more joy and end my strife
But tell me, sweet rose, was I truly the boy you chose
Did you truly dream of me whenever you wanted to doze
Because everyday around you was once a dream

Silence me if I fall in love with you once more
For we both know that we can never go back to before
All you’ve done for me pales in comparison to your greatest achievement over me
You took me, and changed everything so that all can see
You’ve broken me down and rebuilt me to your own design

But because I have lost my foundation, I soon collapse
And pray each day not to fall into another relapse
Leave me, fly away, angel with wings of amber
The soul you hold within your cannot grow any kinder
Your heart, be it complete, be it broken, outlasts the sun

How lucky was I? I had a place within you core
But so easily did your words create another inner war
I seem to have forgotten how it is to feel
Because this pain is so unbearably real
Together, we have crashed into this barrier of time

And left me lying in the darkness without your hand to hold
Because now I see these wings you created for me are made of fake gold
To say you destroyed me, it is a hideous understatement
To say you shattered all vices of my commitment
It left me questioning--what is life?

Is it just another game of dice?
No, nothing of the sort shall ever suffice
Life what the keeper makes it to be
Life is the pain and the joy we see
Life is—the ability to be free

You opened my eyes to these things
You taught me how to build broken wings
And rebuilt my broken heart into something new
Something unreal, all because of you
And I thought you had broken it once more

But in reality, a heart is like a tree
It will grow and wither during times when weather affects it deeply
But it can also become larger than anyone could ever believe
And yet, when it does, at once it shall begin to deceive
And convince intertwined hearts that another bond is impossible

That there presence is a thorn, which slowly bred pain
Whilst creating between two and insurmountable cloud of disdain
But in reality, a heart is what the holder makes it to be
It can be forced into a cold mass that will be missed dearly
Or it can be mended together, and made indestructible to pain

But it can never know a true life without its mortal shell
Because in death, the heart follows the shell, be it in heaven or hell
But sadly, I was once lifeless when I was without you
And the dust in my heart started to bleed through
To the very inner workings of my being

When we lose the ones we truly love
We wish to sprout our wings and fly like a dove
Just so we can recapture the past colors in our memory
And create love equal to the amount we take
So that perhaps we can find a reason in the morning to awake

Shine upon this poor forgotten man that once had a broken heart
But do not forget, you too have had your heart torn apart
And sad as it to say, you still own a piece of me
As I do with you, but you’ll never truly see
Because you’ve closed yourself off to me sadly

My heart once belonged in your hand
And the names we wrote washed away in the sand
Like an eroded star of marble, its contents disappear
And that song that I was only able to hear
Has faded away in the wind that flies over us all

Your fingerprints are fading under the duress of my middle
The impact you once had has been made ever so little
You were my joy. You were my only joy.
But now you’ve recreated yourself in a form ever so coy
And sealed every exit of my heart that led to you

I was your moon and you were my sun
I no longer desire to shine over you, as you are not my one
No longer do we shine together in harmony
Or even sing together in a beautiful melody
For you have broken me down to my purest form

And left me unable to believe everything I was once told
That you were supposed to drag me from my days of old
Instead you left me as your quickly fading shadow
As I reside deep in the forsaken hollow
The same that bonds me to the thought of you

Every time I held your hand. I believe in this lie.
Every time I pressed my lips to yours. I never thought our love would die.
But it seems that the muses of fate create and take
Yet, I can see their reasons that were all in my sake
Because life is all about enjoying moments that others can never take

Because in truth, once a time occurs, it can never be undone
Once was a time were we both truly saw each others as the one
But that time has passed by and flown to the skies above
The very skies I used to praise every moment for creating love
Whilst I slowly lost my sanity with ever passing moment

For you are as bright a star as can see
Yet, one day another shall come to be
And outshine your light once and for all
Because no longer do you care to hear my call
No longer do you desire to end my inner anarchy

I am still as complete as I shall ever be on the inside
And never do you believe me, but I refuse to hide
I refuse to fade away like the mist on a cold night
Believe it if you want, I shan’t remain devoid of light
Because my sweet curse, you have not destroyed my might

You allowed me to shine so brightly
It’s if you desire to hate me
It’s ok if you care to pull me under to your world
I’d rather live in it than in the one that has me in its hold
Because now that I have this sorrow in my dissolved sight

I can rebuild these wings, stronger than ever
One that no amount of pain can ever hope to sever
Then I can fly along the streams of the above
And join the flocks of others who have fallen in love
Like a medley of rose petals floating along the wind

We can recreate the bond we once had in times before
We can find the true forces that cannot hurt us any more
And together we can continue to deviate from everything
And together we can continue to create hymns to sing
As we dance together upon the raindrops falling upon the world

Like a melody sung by those with voices of silk
The sunlight shines brightly to erase all ilk
Shining brighter than she could ever hope to shine
Because now I have a personal light that isn’t mine
I can do all of this in my own controlled madness

As long as I have myself standing by my side
I’ll take the emotions within me for a ride
And I’ll redefine all the mistakes we both made
Within the bogs of the past I shall always wade
Because the murky water is as clear as any

Yet soon I shall travel down this river of life
And find once more a temporary solution to my strife
Until once more that solution decides to part
Without a piece of my still-beating heart
For now, this pain can never be reanimated

Because pain is just a word created by a broken one
But I am no longer broken, for I have discovered a life not yet done
I have found a reason to be joyous when she is gone
I have nothing more left to give until the new dawn
And at that dawn, the sunlight will once more shine brightly upon my life