Happiness is Pain

I'm tired of pretending I'm something that I'm not.
Sometimes I just want to be forgot.
The smiling keeps me stitched outside,
But my insides are split open wide.

Happiness makes it worse,
Laughing when I want to curse.
Crying saves me from the pain,
It helps me pretend life's just a game.

I have to keep smiling though,
Or else everone will know.
How screwed up I can be,
But of course, that's the real me.

Afraid of having to breathe much longer,
Don't think this world could get much wronger.
Staying alive for my family's good,
Just want to be understood.