Dead at Sea

I wonder what I should do sometimes,
should I float away into the ugly haze of self pity,
should I dress you in the devil’s beauty.
I’m not strong for the truth but I’m weaker by lies,
and it is sometimes too hard to turn off the light when it has been burning you up for years.
and you were beautiful even as you mangled my body
and I wonder why you lost me, after those times, after you touched me in love and shattered everything but my atoms.
After I hid myself in your arms and asked you to do it again, and again.
Color drained, I return to the surface and drown in myself.