My Apology

I'm sorry that you feel like i walked away with out shedding one tear and not caring on what happens to you emotionally and health wise.
our relationship goes strong even though we are apart and you are away.
you don't know that i shed tears every night cause i feel guilty every time
i think of your name.... every time i think of who and what you are to me...
I want you to know I understand us being apart is killing you inside out.. And it is me too.
even though i may not show it...

I know you tell me everything is better now and i can come back
but you have to understand
I cant fight anymore..I don't even have one last bite left in me...
has it ever occurred to you that I'm sad too?
that I miss you just as much?
That I cant Stand living each day with this guilt on my chest?

I understand that you haven't came out of your room since that day
I crawl under my bed and fucking curl up an cry just as much
I Get it when you tell me you cant stand me living were i am
But i cant stand the people your with.

You always told me to fight when i need it.
I am now and I'm sorry that its hurting you
but i need to take care of something that is bothering me
I know he is dead yet SO many others are too
I have and Empty void inside of me
and i need to take care of it alone....

I'm SO sorry okay?
So I'll hug you one last time
Give you one last kiss on the cheek
And till then my loved one understand
that i cant have you help me this time....
I can only help myself
Before I can even make my journey back there.
and into your arms..........