Father

A father.
I hear about them all the time,
How horrible they are;
What they do;
Sometimes nice.

But, I wouldn't know
For I have never had one.
Maybe once upon a summer morning,
when I was young.
I can't say I truly remember.

Why did you leave me
in this cold, harsh place?
Was it drugs or fear?
Fear of bringing me up wrong?
I still don't understand.

Over protective fathers:
Holding their children
when they fall.
Kissing them goodnight.
I never got to feel that sort of comfort.

If I fall,
I only have myself to pick me up.
Where were you when I was ill?
Where were you when I had been hurt?
Why weren't you there for my birthdays?

You will never comprehend
the pain that I have deep in my heart.
I use to think;
'I must have made him mad.
Sad, he didn't love me.
I caused him to leave,
it was me.'

I would say that I miss you.
But I can't
Because saying that would be untrue.
On the other hand,
I can't say that I hate you.
Because in my heart,
I know that would be a lie too.

Father why?
I don't understand,
I can't comprehend,
Where are you?