Bottled Still

Your breathing irritates me
I wish I could suffocate you without any consequences
Kill you like you have destroyed me
But I cannot

You turn everything against me
You are not even worth these words
Yet pain is beside me
Crying does not help

Being angry does not help
Speaking these words will never help
Nor bear a joy to you from me
You never will speak of a regret to me

You compare me to it though
Now only disabling you will provide me peace
I can deal with toxic words from any person
It is you who is different though

You are a petty, pathetic, disgusting thing
I wish to say those very words
With no response cutting into me
A million times

It will make me smile wide, so wide
And you will go away
Like the sun on cloud filled rainy day
And it will be glorious

And even magical
I will celebrate
But until then
I will stay bottled still and wait