The Nightmare
The air rushed forth from my lungs as I roared to life. Entranced and dazed having been awoken prematurely from my slumber I focused my gaze on the window, through which air 100 degrees hotter than hell was rushing in. After bemoaning the weather and shutting out the outside world, I lay back in bed. Bones creaking far more than they should for one as young as I, I think of her. Some nights this lulls me to sleep, and back to the lands of my dreams. However, more often than not, she nudges me to think about the future. One I may be fortunate enough to share with her, or one I may destroy with my animal impulses.
Night after night I have lain in this bunk and faced demons that would easily cripple any mortal man in the waking world. Demons from my past, and a nasty few stemming from who I am. Night after night, the void has swept my away on black wings to a place I call home. It is not all bad, however. Sometimes the seas of my subconscious see fit to send me on grand adventures, flying higher than any zeppelin and farther than any vessel. Such fancies are rare and fleeting sweet as they may be.
Slowly slipping away into the void once more I lose my sense of self. All becomes black. All becomes still. All except for a searing column of light off in the distance. I have to know the source, slowly I begin to cross the million mile stretch of emptiness before me. After dragging on for seemingly hours I feel the quickening of darkness upon me. Tendrils of black, cold and creeping lash out, grasping for every inch of my body. But I charge on. Muscles tightening, teeth clenching, heart pounding like the drums of the hunt, just as fast and twice as fierce.
But... I can't outrun the black, can I? No one can. It's a part of each and every one of us, just as the void is. No man escapes the black. The darkness. The secrets they keep, and the pain they shroud. Facing defeat I stop in my venture. The darkness welcomes me, as if an old friend, covering my whole self. All sense of direction disappear. Time, space, reason, self. I can't feel any of them anymore. The darkness clouds judgement, senses, feelings. It consumes you. Becomes everything you are.
It's not there forever though. I feel vitality in my soul for the first time in what feels like ages. Clawing and ripping I begin to make my way through the darkness. The light is my mission. The light is my destination. I must know what it's like to reside in the light. To feel it's warmth. The black knows I'm breaking free. It knows it's going to lose hold of me. It tightens it's grip beyond anything I'd every felt, waking or other. Finally, I feel the edge of it. Clawing at a veil, fine as gossamer. I won.
Breaking out and finding myself blinded by the light, I fall to my knees. The warmth basks me with the feeling of a great victory. One worthy of song. Scrambling blindly about groping and reaching for anything to give me a sense of direction, I grasp something all too familiar. Supple smooth flesh trembles beneath my hand. Challenging the light I open my eyes, and staring at my hand, I see a leg. Following the leg up I discover a body, a body I know. A body I'd know anywhere.
This is her body, the woman I adore. Slowly I rise to my feet, wanting to believe with all my heart this is real. Caressing her ecru hair aside reveals eyes of blue within blue. Feeling down the cascading nape of her neck, and the gentle sloping of her shoulders I allow myself to believe this will be a good dream after all.
Night after night I have lain in this bunk and faced demons that would easily cripple any mortal man in the waking world. Demons from my past, and a nasty few stemming from who I am. Night after night, the void has swept my away on black wings to a place I call home. It is not all bad, however. Sometimes the seas of my subconscious see fit to send me on grand adventures, flying higher than any zeppelin and farther than any vessel. Such fancies are rare and fleeting sweet as they may be.
Slowly slipping away into the void once more I lose my sense of self. All becomes black. All becomes still. All except for a searing column of light off in the distance. I have to know the source, slowly I begin to cross the million mile stretch of emptiness before me. After dragging on for seemingly hours I feel the quickening of darkness upon me. Tendrils of black, cold and creeping lash out, grasping for every inch of my body. But I charge on. Muscles tightening, teeth clenching, heart pounding like the drums of the hunt, just as fast and twice as fierce.
But... I can't outrun the black, can I? No one can. It's a part of each and every one of us, just as the void is. No man escapes the black. The darkness. The secrets they keep, and the pain they shroud. Facing defeat I stop in my venture. The darkness welcomes me, as if an old friend, covering my whole self. All sense of direction disappear. Time, space, reason, self. I can't feel any of them anymore. The darkness clouds judgement, senses, feelings. It consumes you. Becomes everything you are.
It's not there forever though. I feel vitality in my soul for the first time in what feels like ages. Clawing and ripping I begin to make my way through the darkness. The light is my mission. The light is my destination. I must know what it's like to reside in the light. To feel it's warmth. The black knows I'm breaking free. It knows it's going to lose hold of me. It tightens it's grip beyond anything I'd every felt, waking or other. Finally, I feel the edge of it. Clawing at a veil, fine as gossamer. I won.
Breaking out and finding myself blinded by the light, I fall to my knees. The warmth basks me with the feeling of a great victory. One worthy of song. Scrambling blindly about groping and reaching for anything to give me a sense of direction, I grasp something all too familiar. Supple smooth flesh trembles beneath my hand. Challenging the light I open my eyes, and staring at my hand, I see a leg. Following the leg up I discover a body, a body I know. A body I'd know anywhere.
This is her body, the woman I adore. Slowly I rise to my feet, wanting to believe with all my heart this is real. Caressing her ecru hair aside reveals eyes of blue within blue. Feeling down the cascading nape of her neck, and the gentle sloping of her shoulders I allow myself to believe this will be a good dream after all.