I hope you see this one day.

What's missing in me??
That figure there..
The empty hour glass figure
The sickest home made soup.
The energy to kick Butt when hurt.
THe protection,gate to all the bad.
The separation of fake,and
THe real that kept me safe and sound at night.
The encouraging hug
The loving laugh withing a smile
The warm-ness of being around that aura
The shoulders I'd cry on
The tears shed for me
The appreciation for having all of the above
The games of growth lived by us
The songs we held dear in our hearts
The inner jokes we would tell with a glance.
The Nights When we would tell stories.
The chances. Oh the chances
To chase my dreams to crash and beam
To laugh at pain I made.
To fly with out the wings
To cry with out feelings
To feel things that you have once..
To make mistakes and know you were there.
To smile through the tears
To hurt you and apologise with sincerity
To believe me when I tried
To hug me when I lied
To not waste time on loving me..
To kiss me at night when I felt just a little bit scared
To wipe my tears away when the hormones came..to YOUR dismay..
To write this down and not cry because it means I missed out on a lot.
To realise I'm old in age but 10 in every other aspect of me.
To feel things you didn't think about and be thanked..
To be forgiven when I hurt you with Words
With actions
With Phrases that I not only dream of taking back
With whispers. Behind your back.
With out burst I didn't know I could handle until it was too late..
To be forgiven for not appreciating everything I had when you gave It to me
For not saying I love you enough
For throwing my pain in your face when I knew I wasn't the most sweetest peach in all of Georgia..
For not looking at your situations and stepping back..
For not thinking be for I spoke
For thinking of those empty threats that only hurt you so much deeper
For being a brat
For not asking before I leaped
For cursing the lie you've given me
For trying against you.
For destroying your happiness....yes, I know about that. You'd be amazed at the things I know
For not thanking you every chance I got..
For thinking up ways to end our contact touch n relationship
For trying to replace you
For trying wishing they were you
For praying for your absence from the beginning
For wishing unreadable and much more unspeakable things.
For thinking about how you would love it if I'd die
For all those truths you made me see and I spat them back out
The lies I've told that, could kill any soul.
The faith in me I made you loose
The time I've wasted
The joy I've taken
The love I rotted
The things I've tainted
The shattered soul I left begging for help
The answers I could not give you then
The answers to those past questions I now would not share with anyone
The embarrassment I made you go though
The shame I brought you
The anger I made you feel
The hate you MUST feel now
The death I must have caused in you
The bad thoughts of me I made you have, but you forgot Because I was made of You.
The times you wished. To run.. Far away
-Funny how now we both share that emotion-
The need to know there is a better tomorrow and that all this is gratified and cashed in for a golden paradise..
-That one too-
For not understanding how upset I make you
For not getting how disappointed you are
For not being anyone else you wished for.
For not Getting how hard it is to be a Mother...My Mother.