You're not here, I'm all alone

This life has been filled with so much confusion
and so much pain and grief
that I don't know what to do

With you in my life
Everything was much more simple
and a lot easier to handle

But now you're not here.
Now I have no one to lean on but myself
but one can only be strong for so long until they fall apart

They say when you get to the end of your rope
to just hang on but
my hands are slipping

Sometimes I feel like a ticking time bomb
with only so much time before I self-destruct
Go back to cutting, handling life the only way I knew how back then
because everything's just too damn overwhelming now

I'm scared.
You're in heaven now but I don't want to let you go
I want you here with me helping me with this life of mine
that's so hard to manage on my own

But you can't be here, I'm all alone
Trying to be strong like you'd want me to be
but its getting harder to do with each added hardship
I fear there's only so much time before I explode
and give in to my old strategies just trying to cope

I don't want to do that
it will just make everything worse in the long run
but it helps me when I feel I just can't cope
Eventually I may have no other choice

Your not here
I'm all alone.