Not suicidal

I'm not truly suicidal,

I don't really want to die.

I just want it to be okay.

I just want to be happy and okay and calm and safe.

I just want all the pain to go away.

I want to be able to smile and it be real

I want to be able to eat and not hear a male taunting me telling me how fat I am

I want to be able to live free...

See, but the thing is, it won’t.

It won’t all just go away. It doesn’t work that way.

So instead you have to settle for second best and just put a bullet through your brain.