Every Single Time

I knew it all along
that it was going to hurt like this
I denied it for too long
all that happiness and bliss,
as I lied to myself, I thought
I can change my mind later
but to find out it doesn't work that easily
I've dug a hole deeper than a crater.
Tell me what you think,
said he, so madly in love with me
because I tried to deny it
and I didn't think he would see...
I was scared to say no,
now look where I'm at,
bound to lose a friend
because he feels like a doormat.
Why can't I think straight,
make up my crazy mind?
all I do is make things worse
as I run out of silver time...
and I knew it all along
I unintentionally do it every time
the moment a boy plays me a song
I sign the dotted line.
WHY! he and I just want to know
but I don't have a straight answer,
all these conversations in my head,
just aren't clear enough,
as I begin to see just what I've done to him...
because I lied
because I tried,
to move a step forward but couldn't
and now I'm guilty
somewhat apathetic,
it's all just so confusing, and I don't know how to fix it
HOW, do I just be friends
and not let my heart lead me again
and not break a heart or two instead,
why couldn't I just be rejected?
Although I knew it all along,
why didn't I just run?