My Life Sucks

My life has its up and downs
at first i was a mess
i was a bad kid
i did bad stuff
i harmed myself
hated myself
i fell into depression
i was always sad and felt lonely
i felt that no one cared
i made many horrible mistakes
i was letting myself be surrounded by bad influences
i now regret it all
i tried to change
i just couldn't do it alone
i had many,many bad relationships
i was lost in hope
all i wanted was to love
it all changed when i met him
it was love at first sight
he was perfect
he was honest,cute,and nice
he made me happy for the first time
i knew he loved me
it was what i was waiting for
i stopped harming
i stop being depressed
he was always there for me
as i was for him
but then a stupid tragedy had to occur
that would change our lives together
he got sick and fell into a come
i was sad
i went back to cutting
i couldn't help the one i loved
i couldn't take his place
i was so happy when he finally woke up
he seemed to be getting better
and then when we thought it was over
he got sick again
i was so upset
there was a chance he could die
i just couldn't take it
he went into surgery
but before he did
he wrote me a letter
he said he loved me so much
that he was never that happy until he met me
that there was a high chance that he wouldn't make it
and in case he didn't that then
he wanted to say that he loved me and that he wanted me to be happy
and to live out my life
to accomplish my goals
i waited a few days
no response
i wanted to cry my head was just screaming
a week hit and still No Response
i couldn't hold it in anymore and i started crying a river of water
finally after weeks went by my best friend told me that his friend said that he didn't make it
that he died
i heard my heart crumpling to pieces
i didn't think i would ever get over it
months went by and i was still sad but i was more calmed down then before
i would never get over his death not completely at least
i went to the point where i didn't give a fuck anymore about anything
i felt it was over life was just a waste
i just didn't care what i did
i eventually ended up getting in trouble
pretty much everywhere i went it just seemed to follow me
i started cutting again......harming myself...anyway i could....
i started smoking and doing drugs
i didn't care what happened to me
i didn't care if i even died
i just didn't care at all
i started changing from bad to worse
i was shaken up to the real world when i got in serious trouble
and almost facing deadly consequences
i learned the hard way that i had to change
i know now that i have to defiantly be a better person
i will still act like myself make many many mistakes
but I'll try to be a better person than i was
i quit trying to smoke and do drugs
i may still cut myself but at least I'm trying even though
my life sucks Monkey Ballz!!!!!!!!!!!!