flashback

“Flashback”
There’s a flash of streaming light
And then a memory played unwillingly in my head
Almost as if I’m tired to a chair
Watching the worst memories of my childhood
Played out on the silver screen
For all the world to ignore
As I watch my head slam into the counter
I can feel the scar as my trembling finger tips
Gently slide over my worn out skull
As I watch her leave…once again
My little hands pressed against the window
A as I whisper my insignificant good night
My breath fogs the vision of her swerving down the street
I try to push the memories away but I have locked them up for so long
They come with inconceivable strength
And consistently contain me in my own thoughts
The slap that tumbled me down the stairs
Or watching her came home and not remember my name
Or maybe it was the absolute mental panic
Confusion I faced day after day
When she couldn’t remember
One word of the horrid comments that past
I clench my eyes wide shut
And fight with everything I have left
Just to make it stop, to make the madness go away
But I can’t convince myself that it’s ok anymore
That I never happened
The lights gently fade away and I open my eyes
To find myself huddled in a dark closet
Fear of my past rolling down my cheeks
And the intensity of my confusion
Shaking threw my entire body