The ramblings of a bored teen. [talking about dreams]

im bored

when boredom hits home
i write
it's the only thing I've ever known
about the pain that im feeling
with out depressing you too much as well
dreams were only meant to torture me,
cos i could never be
what i dream of being.
they just torture me
hanging before my eyes
im dying a little more and more inside
because i dream toxic dreams,
but this toxin could only hurt me.
self pity is worse than any pill
has ever made me feel
why are you reading this
because
i don't want you to feel sorry for me
that would be worse than any thing
any one has even put me through
but ill still sympathize for you
ok?

im just bored.
but i never told you what of,
im bored of my life for one
bored of never knowing a home
and im bored of all the things i do
cos i wanna be just like you
an alcoholic and drugged up too
what a life ive planned for myself
fucking up my mental health
not that i have much of it left
but im making the most of it
while im 'happy' young and 'fit'
im gonna live life to the full
cos forensic science is gonna be dull
compared to the life id love to have.

how you wrong you see me mom
seems i shield myself better than some
science isn't in my heart
its making people sing
and dance
and laugh
i wanna save people lives
like others have saved mine
that would be an achievement on any level.
but i could never tell you that
youd say: its a waste of your life that
but i dont agree
cos music is my life you see
without that i have none
i can see the future is gonna be fun.

dreams are such a funny things,
oh god, am i rambling?