Im lost in my own wonderland

I should have known
That you are like the rest
Just like them
The ones who pushed me till i fell
The ones who laughed when the blood dripped down my wrists
I don't know what i was expecting

I should have known
There are no butterflies and rainbows
Not for me
I must be a fool
For expecting anything else

I'm just the outcast
The girl who is fighting
For something she can't even see
The girl who is rebelling
Against the world
The girl who is in love
With you

Ive been wandering for so long
I'm lost in my own wonderland
I cant find the path i started on
I can't find any other path to follow
I'm stuck
In the deepest dark of my mind

I'm sitting here
Relying on music
Because no one else seems to understand
They don't know what it's like
They don't come home and want to drown
To overdose
To just let go and die

It's not because of a boy
Let me assure you
I'm just lost in my own in my wonderland
And I'm getting sick of wanting to change
I don't know who i am anymore
I don't know what to look like
I don't know how to please myself

When i look on the mirror
My hollow grey eyes stare back
Wanting a change
I feel trapped
Like i'm being held under water
Ive been down here so long i forgot how to breath

I just want you to know
You don't know shit
You don't know me
So just let me drown
Let me go
I like you
I like you a lot
But it's time to face the fact
This isn't going anywhere.
Ive given up.
If only that were true.