I Have No Idea What The Heck I Want

I tell myself I shouldn't let myself fall for you.

Especially when you remind me of him.

But you two are so different.

I tell myself that I hate you.

That you're annoying. That I can't take you.

But when your name lights up on my phone's screen,

I can't help but smile.

You make me feel so confused.

I feel torn, as the sky in late December,

and the words I love you long to fill the air.

I've dreamt of you.

Once-twice-three times,

Okay, so maybe more.

But that isn't the point!

When I don't know what to say to you,

I ramble pointlessly,

like a little forlorn school girl,

a girl I wish not to be.

I want to be strong,

independent.

With you?

I don't know if that's possible.