true happiness through an unwanted source

This crimson rain
flows down my arm
this warmth
a comfort I've never felt

having never felt
this new found love
I ache for this rain
my personal drug

Alone in this darkness
I cradle this steel
my friend
my only souce of bliss

i know this time
should be my last
but I know that dream
will never be reality

comfort should not be found in this way
but what else am I to do?