I Try

I hate it
No matter how much i try
the blade tempts me
the way the sharp edge feels
the scars it leaves
but know it doesnt hurt as much as you hurt me
the pain, its pleasure,
to the blood, i toast...
~to life, to hate, ease my pain, save me, erase my sins and sorrows, make me feel ok~
i tell myself it doesnt matter
people say its just words
well they dont understand how it hurts
the hate, that goes through my mind
they dont understand
in their eyes...everythings fine
sometimes i feel invisible, sometimes i think it would be better if i was
I say nothing, i do nothing, but it just gets worse
they think im alright, they think im all fun and games
they dont know me then..
they havent met that darkness in me...
i sat there, holding the knife gracefully, them knocking at the door
bottle of pain killers gone...they knew it was me
i swore i took none, i hid the knife, i cried,
i made them believe everything was ok...but it wasnt
i cursed at myself wishing i could ease the hurt in me
wishing he was there to hold me
wishing even he understood me that way
but no one does
i sleep at night...wondering what would happen if that knife pierced into my skin that day
wonder if anyone would care
wonder if anyone would even notice