A War Lost
She woke from her dreamless rest one morning,
More exhausted than she was the day before.
She saw herself in the mirror and glared.
As always, she hated what she saw.
She pretended to be happy, but had no reason.
Her heart was torn by the swords of soulless knights.
She was never good enough for anyone.
Not even her dad, whose love for whiskey was greater than his love for her.
She hid her real self from the world due to her fear of being rejected even more.
You’re nothing. Forget everything you want for yourself. It’s not like you’ll go far in life anyway.
That razor? It has more purposes than you use it for, by the way.
She could never forget the reassuring words of her friend...
"Don’t worry…
There’s no reason.
I’ll always be there…
I promise."
But she still didn't listen.
She took out her stress by taking the drugs and slashing the inside of her wrist.
“Only a bit deeper, and you would have needed stitches! We aren’t paying for that!”
A gruff shout in the ear.
Smack. Crack.
She fell back into the wall and slid down to the concrete floor.
Bruised and bloodied once more.
See? You are nothing. No one fucking loves you, not even your little friend. I tried to tell you.
Everything in her life was a blur, but that void in her seemed fulfilled until one day,
After she made it through school and she had to go to her dealer.
She made her way to his house only meaning to stay a second.
She only had $10 but prayed silently that it would be enough for something.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Click. Creak.
Behind the wood with the chipped black paint was a guy
With an evil gleam in his eyes and a sinister smirk
Who still managed to be handsome.
Every girl (who didn’t know) loved him.
Tall and intimidating.
“Hey. I was expecting you.”
His voice was slurred with a slight drawl that wasn’t there last week.
She looked at him distantly with her blood-shot eyes.
He took her by the hand and led her inside.
His skin was cold, sending chills down her spine.
The house smelled musty.
Joints, powder, and broken dreams.
She could hear shouts for help from the other side of the house.
Not a soul did a thing about it.
Before she was given the opportunity to buy anything,
He brought her to a room that she had never seen before.
Slam! He shut the door behind himself and her.
She couldn't say a thing.
The words were in her throat but couldn’t come out.
He pushed her down on a couch and was on her.
She closed her eyes and they didn’t open for hours.
When she woke she looked around at the dreary surroundings and knew what happened.
She saw him laying on the floor asleep.
This is all your fault.
She collected everything of hers that was lying around, dressed, and left the room.
The house was empty for the first time. No one to help her.
But it didn't matter. Nothing did, not even her life.
She walked into the closet near the kitchen
That housed the drugs and filled a syringe.
She knew exactly what she was doing as she punctured her veins.
She leaned against the wall and slid to the floor once more
And said as her eyelids started to droop,
And she stole her last breath,
“I only wanted to be loved.”
More exhausted than she was the day before.
She saw herself in the mirror and glared.
As always, she hated what she saw.
She pretended to be happy, but had no reason.
Her heart was torn by the swords of soulless knights.
She was never good enough for anyone.
Not even her dad, whose love for whiskey was greater than his love for her.
She hid her real self from the world due to her fear of being rejected even more.
You’re nothing. Forget everything you want for yourself. It’s not like you’ll go far in life anyway.
That razor? It has more purposes than you use it for, by the way.
She could never forget the reassuring words of her friend...
"Don’t worry…
There’s no reason.
I’ll always be there…
I promise."
But she still didn't listen.
She took out her stress by taking the drugs and slashing the inside of her wrist.
“Only a bit deeper, and you would have needed stitches! We aren’t paying for that!”
A gruff shout in the ear.
Smack. Crack.
She fell back into the wall and slid down to the concrete floor.
Bruised and bloodied once more.
See? You are nothing. No one fucking loves you, not even your little friend. I tried to tell you.
Everything in her life was a blur, but that void in her seemed fulfilled until one day,
After she made it through school and she had to go to her dealer.
She made her way to his house only meaning to stay a second.
She only had $10 but prayed silently that it would be enough for something.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Click. Creak.
Behind the wood with the chipped black paint was a guy
With an evil gleam in his eyes and a sinister smirk
Who still managed to be handsome.
Every girl (who didn’t know) loved him.
Tall and intimidating.
“Hey. I was expecting you.”
His voice was slurred with a slight drawl that wasn’t there last week.
She looked at him distantly with her blood-shot eyes.
He took her by the hand and led her inside.
His skin was cold, sending chills down her spine.
The house smelled musty.
Joints, powder, and broken dreams.
She could hear shouts for help from the other side of the house.
Not a soul did a thing about it.
Before she was given the opportunity to buy anything,
He brought her to a room that she had never seen before.
Slam! He shut the door behind himself and her.
She couldn't say a thing.
The words were in her throat but couldn’t come out.
He pushed her down on a couch and was on her.
She closed her eyes and they didn’t open for hours.
When she woke she looked around at the dreary surroundings and knew what happened.
She saw him laying on the floor asleep.
This is all your fault.
She collected everything of hers that was lying around, dressed, and left the room.
The house was empty for the first time. No one to help her.
But it didn't matter. Nothing did, not even her life.
She walked into the closet near the kitchen
That housed the drugs and filled a syringe.
She knew exactly what she was doing as she punctured her veins.
She leaned against the wall and slid to the floor once more
And said as her eyelids started to droop,
And she stole her last breath,
“I only wanted to be loved.”