Refuge

Home should be a refuge
But since when has that been true?
Not since I've built it up
With bricks of tainted memories

It's all my fault

Bathroom tiles speckled red
Drops of blood adorn the carpet.
Hidden about my room,
Those blades who call my name.
This house is full of triggers

A family should be happy.
Problems brushed aside
Forgiven or forgotten.
But I've made that
Impossible.

Now parents' eyes dart 'round
Always watching me.
My every move, remembered.
Don’t dare do what you're thinking.
If my door's shut they're suspicious
Of secrets hidden behind it
And under sleeves pulled down.

Just a cutter,
Can't be trusted
Must be sick, or be insane.
No, she just wants attention
A teenage phase,
This thing will pass.
Or so they thought 3 years ago
Now what can they say?

I tend to just ignore it
Pretend this isn't real
That I'm nothing less than normal
My home and head aren't broken
And everything is fine.

Everything is FINE