If Only

If I knew what I wanted,
I might be able to tell you.
If I knew what I wanted,
I'm sure you'd be here.
But I have no idea.

I want you to hold me as close as you've ever held anything
I want you to let me go.
I want you to kiss me like you need me
I want my own damn space.
I want to love you with everything
I want to run as far away as I can.
I want you to wipe my tears away
I want to be able to hide them.
I want to tell you I love you
I want to stay angry.
I want to tell you how much I need you
I want you to see I don't.
I want you to hold my hand
I want to be on my own.
I want to tell you you're the best thing that's ever happened to me
I want to pretend it's not true.
I want every day to be one of our good days
I want to pretend there's nothing more.
I want you to answer the phone at 4 am
I want to have anyone else to call.
I want to say I'll be okay without you.
I want to believe it.
I want to say you'll stay awhile
I want you to go, before I can't take it.
Fuck.

If I knew what I wanted,
Babe, you would be here.
Right?