Regret

Another day another battle.
I regret staying.
The rain falls in the blackness
the world seen only
through the flashes of jagged lightning.
Another bottle in
another joint down.
The only thing holding the wolves
that I call family at bay
may have just gone out the window.
I throw my head back and down the bottle
Tears streak my face.
I was doing so good...
I thought I was making you proud.
Now I see
I was setting myself up to fail.
Once again I'm on the floor.
Blood pouring from my fists
a shattered mirror glints
in the candle light.
I regret not letting him kill me.
Maybe things would have been better.
I fill the bathtub.
I take off my shoes and step in.
My clothes weigh me down
Helping me sink to the bottom.
I take a breath and sink beneath the surface.
My world stops moving...
Everything is silent....
The water is stained red turning everything hazy
I feel pain.
My lungs are screaming for air.
My heart is screaming in pain.
I scream knowing no one will hear it at all.
The door splinters.
Someone pulls me up out of the water
I regret letting them save me.
I regret fooling myself into thinking....
that happiness would last....
I regret hoping
that my family would accept me.
I regret forgiving
Mother, Sister, Father and Brother.
I regret every breath I take.