Big, Dumb Smile

Unsure what to do, unable to cry
I've trained myself to show I'm fine
Incapable of trying to object
I'm convinced that I'm never correct
If I'm not worth it, he moves on
But I fear to say so cause he'll be gone
Always left standing, always last
How can the future repeat the past?
Is it true that everything's meant to be?
If so, where does all that leave me?
More disappointment is all I've in store
But when and how can I say no more?
With no way to run or cry for help
I've stranded myself on too high a shelf
My fear surrounded me, I'm eaten alive
I can't tell if I'm breathing or if I've died
A suffocating feeling has silenced my voice
Cause I'm frightened to ever make a bad choice
Darkness I've covered with a big, dumb smile
They don't know my heart was cut out on the tile
An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth
But there's nothing I can take back from you.
You've given me hope just to shoot it dead
Yet not sure where the gun is that's aimed at my head
My tears have run dry and my feelings to mud
My heart has turned blue as it's pumping blood.