Rape
Why?
Why was I chosen to have so many problem wrong with me?
Why was I raped from ages three to twelve?
Why can’t I forget that day?
Those days…
They haunt me,
So easily,
I can’t forget how painful they were.
I’m scared.
It seems like everyday,
I see his face.
Somewhere.
He calls me everyday,
Making sure I don’t forget,
He follows me around.
He knows where both my parents live,
He knows where my friends live,
He knows everything I do,
He’s like a lion,
Following its prey,
Waiting to attack again.
It’s been years,
Since I was last raped,
Since he last actually touched me,
I thought he was in prison,
Thought he got locked away,
Thought I would never have to worry again.
I was wrong.
So very wrong.
Even my other personalities,
They’re scared of him too.
They don’t act brave.
We have no savior.
I’m so scared.
I never told my parents,
Never uttered a word about it.
But now,
I need to get it off of my chest.
I’m so scared.
Terrified,
That he’ll come back,
That he’ll start his torture on me again.
I’m terrified,
That if he does start again,
That I’ll never be able to recover.
What if I get locked up in a crazy house?
Will anyone care?
Will people be worried?
Will my friends come and protect me if I tell them?
Or will they abandon me like most have?
I’m so cold.
My body can’t comprehend everything that’s happened,
My mind had to go on a deprive mode,
Where all I do is stare blankly,
Become emotionless,
Become a zombie of the living.
What happened to me?
I was raped by my closest uncle.
My parents didn’t notice the bruises,
Didn’t notice anything.
Then when he was put in jail for abusing his wife,
My mom,
My own mother,
Abused me to no end.
From age six,
I’ve been abused.
No one noticed,
The bruises,
The cuts,
The silent tears I let out when I was in school,
I was just a hopeless child,
That no one ever paid attention to,
That no one cared for.
That no one loved.
So why now,
Is my past coming back to haunt me,
To come and slaughter me to pieces?
Does my dad not realize that I’m scared?
He’s my closest friend,
He should know when I’m scared,
But he doesn’t.
I’m so frightened,
That I’ll start being raped again.
When will Buck,
My boyfriend,
My savior,
Come back and rescue me?
He loves me,
I love him,
He protects me,
But I’ve never told him.
Will he leave just as quickly as everyone else?
Will he stay and love me?
Even with all my faults and insecurities,
With my horrible past,
Will he stay,
And hold me close,
Because he knows that I shouldn’t be left alone.
What if I get left alone?
The cuts get worse,
Suicide,
Would be the only way out,
So I never get touched again…
Why was I chosen to have so many problem wrong with me?
Why was I raped from ages three to twelve?
Why can’t I forget that day?
Those days…
They haunt me,
So easily,
I can’t forget how painful they were.
I’m scared.
It seems like everyday,
I see his face.
Somewhere.
He calls me everyday,
Making sure I don’t forget,
He follows me around.
He knows where both my parents live,
He knows where my friends live,
He knows everything I do,
He’s like a lion,
Following its prey,
Waiting to attack again.
It’s been years,
Since I was last raped,
Since he last actually touched me,
I thought he was in prison,
Thought he got locked away,
Thought I would never have to worry again.
I was wrong.
So very wrong.
Even my other personalities,
They’re scared of him too.
They don’t act brave.
We have no savior.
I’m so scared.
I never told my parents,
Never uttered a word about it.
But now,
I need to get it off of my chest.
I’m so scared.
Terrified,
That he’ll come back,
That he’ll start his torture on me again.
I’m terrified,
That if he does start again,
That I’ll never be able to recover.
What if I get locked up in a crazy house?
Will anyone care?
Will people be worried?
Will my friends come and protect me if I tell them?
Or will they abandon me like most have?
I’m so cold.
My body can’t comprehend everything that’s happened,
My mind had to go on a deprive mode,
Where all I do is stare blankly,
Become emotionless,
Become a zombie of the living.
What happened to me?
I was raped by my closest uncle.
My parents didn’t notice the bruises,
Didn’t notice anything.
Then when he was put in jail for abusing his wife,
My mom,
My own mother,
Abused me to no end.
From age six,
I’ve been abused.
No one noticed,
The bruises,
The cuts,
The silent tears I let out when I was in school,
I was just a hopeless child,
That no one ever paid attention to,
That no one cared for.
That no one loved.
So why now,
Is my past coming back to haunt me,
To come and slaughter me to pieces?
Does my dad not realize that I’m scared?
He’s my closest friend,
He should know when I’m scared,
But he doesn’t.
I’m so frightened,
That I’ll start being raped again.
When will Buck,
My boyfriend,
My savior,
Come back and rescue me?
He loves me,
I love him,
He protects me,
But I’ve never told him.
Will he leave just as quickly as everyone else?
Will he stay and love me?
Even with all my faults and insecurities,
With my horrible past,
Will he stay,
And hold me close,
Because he knows that I shouldn’t be left alone.
What if I get left alone?
The cuts get worse,
Suicide,
Would be the only way out,
So I never get touched again…