Better Off Dead

This isn't fair.
"Life's not fair."
I dont care!
I don't care what you say or think or do,
because in the end you're the one I run to.
You always were.
Even when I couldn't see through my own tears.
My sight, thought, peace of mind all disturbed.
Even more so weaked by tears from these past two years- two years with my own blood shed
By
My
Own
Hand.
And you call yourself a man?
All my thoughts, hopes of what this could be
Screeched to a halt.
It's your fault,
It's your fault
It's your fucking fault!
A deabeat--you are
You don't even know it, squished in a car
With five grown-ass men.
But you're one of them.
You don't even know it but you're one of them.
And I'm further weakened by her.
Shame this had to reoccur, I thought you were better.But never
Never could I see that this was all a hoax, a game
a way to earn myself another name.
"What name?" you ask?
I don't know yet, but I'll hear it when I walk past.
Someone will hiss it
Whisper it.
But it's okay
I'm used to it.
So tell me.
I'm ready to learn something about myself
that I never knew.
But you insist it-
You say it's true!
Doesn't that mean it is?
Oh wait, you're a liar too!
I wasted eight fucking months on you!
Now I'm at my last wit.
Stop talking out of your ass,
I'm done with your shit! Bon voyage!
I'll push you off the fucking boat!
I hope your next word gets lodged in your throat!
This is what I wrote to you, but never said.
Because for you,
Somethings are:
BETTER OFF DEAD.