Maybe Next Time I'll Try A Knife

I see the both of you,
& God it breaks my heart in two.
I know if I look in those eyes,
I'll get all those stupid butterflies.
But you're already walking my way,
God what am I going to say?
My hands begin to sweat,
Just like they did when we first met.
You say hello with that beautiful smile on your face,
& all I can think is how to get away from this place.
My eyes begin filling with tears,
This was one of my many fears.
I try to stop my hearts heavily pace,
But it feels like I just ran a long race.
As I begin to make a sound,
I fall right to the ground.
Next thing I know i'm in an emergency room,
The place I knew would someday be my doom.
I had overdosed on pills that morning,
They had shut down my lungs with no warning.
As I finally open my eyes I see your smile,
A feeling of happiness comes over me I haven't felt in awhile.
But then she peaks over your shoulder,
& you turn around to hold her.
I lay back down on the bed,
So many thoughts going through my head.
God can't you just let me die?
I no longer want to try.
I close my eyes,
& try so hard not to let him hear my cries.
Story of my life,
Maybe next time i'll try a knife.